Friday, November 27, 2009

Thoughts on relationships, love, and flirting

I've been pondering this a lot lately. I've made some mistakes in my life when it's come to guys....most girls have. I, being the typical teenage fool of a girl, fell for a boy when I was about 14. That lasted until I was 18, believe it or not. Then I had a random...well, I guess it's best to call it a rebound summer with another guy. Nuff said on that one. I learned a lot throughout this whole situation. The entire time I was "in love", or whatever you so chose to call it, I realized a few things. The first is that I learned how much time I had taken away from God, and put into this guy. It became almost an idolatry thing for me. And I realized that a lot of relationships are like this, if you don't constantly check yourself and make sure god is the head still.

The rest of what I learned ties into a lot of what I've been thinking recently. I've watched as several of my close friends lately have either ended a relationship, or had their respective boyfriends or girlfriends call the relationship off. And I've seen the pain, and I remember the pain that I went through. And the more I see it, the more I realize that it's pointless....God created our heart for one person. Not for multiple. So when we're constantly "falling" for guys or girls, slowly we're giving away pieces of our hearts. A lot of times, this occurs without knowing whether or not the respective person is interested...and more likely than not, they aren't. It's like an illustration a guy I know used one time when talking about this. Say you have a nametag, one of those sticky ones. And you stick it on your shirt once, and then remove it. It's still sticky enough to use again. But the more you do this, the less sticky it becomes. Until it's hard to make it stay anywhere. This is what giving part of your heart away is like.

I'm not saying this path is easy to follow. NOT liking a guy is significantly harder than liking a guy, I know. But though it's the path less traveled, and takes significantly more work to do, it's a less thorny path. Now don't get legalistic with this, in that you can never like a guy ever. But like Jane Austen said in Northanger Abbey: " for if it be true, as a celebrated writer has maintained, that no young lady can be justified in falling in love before the gentleman's love is declared, it must be very improper that a young lady should dream of a gentleman before the gentleman is first known to have dreamt of her."

Onto my views on flirting. This is something that has annoyed me for years. I've always disliked it when people flirt, particularly when the flirting isn't returned, and it's obvious that the (typically) girl is throwing themselves at the guy (typically....sometimes this is reversed). But after a conversation with Lizzie (what are best friends for?) I've realized that even so much as singling another person out over others can have the same vibe as flirting. It's not as severe, but it is still a form of flirting. And the only time this should occur is when the person in question is serious about starting a relationship.

Once again, I have to caution against taking this to the extreme. I have quite a few guy friends, I always have. But there's a difference between having guy friends, talking to them, and spending time with them, and flirting. When it's evident that they are the first person you go to before your girlfriends, especially if you are not related to them or they are not your boyfriend/fiance/husband, then there is a slight problem there. And I think this is where so many girls and guys end up getting their heartbroken.