Monday, June 29, 2009

I Still Believe

I can remember listening to this song in music video form one Christmas with my younger cousins. Every Christmas, we always get movies and/or music. This year was no different. I can't remember what I received, but my younger cousin Mary Katherine got Cinderella 3. Even though there are 2 tv's in the house, they are both in constant use between the adults watching games on one, or the boys playing video games on the other. So when us girls want to watch a movie, we'll go out to the RV and stick it in, cook some popcorn, and just chill on the 2 couches in there (it's pretty much a house on wheels). I fell in love with this song, and have periodically listened to it since then. :) Enjoy!!!

Some how I know I will find a way
To a brighter day in the sun
Somewhere I know that he waits for me
Someday soon he'll see I'm the one

I won't give up on this feeling
And nothing will keep me away

'Cause I still believe in destiny
That you and I were meant to be
I still wish on the stars as they fall from above
'Cause I still believe
Believe in love

I know what's real cannot be denied
Although it may hide for a while
With just one touch love can conquer fears
Turning all your tears into smiles

It's such a wondrous feeling
I know that my heart can't be wrong

'Cause I still believe in destiny
That you and I were meant to be
I still wish on the stars as they fall from above
'Cause I still believe
Believe in love

Love can make miracles
Change everything
Lift you from the darkness and make your heart sing
Love is forever
When you fall
It's the greatest time of them all

'Cause I still believe in destiny
That you and I were meant to be
I still wish on the stars as they fall from above
'Cause I still believe
Believe in love

Yes I still believe
Believe in love
Still believe in love
I still believe
Believe in love

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Time Waster?

I realized today how much time I personally spend online. So I'm going to be taking a slight hiatus from things. Not from Blogger perse, but mainly from facebook and IM. You can always call or text me, and my email works as well. But I need to be getting some priorities straight, and those aren't being accomplished while waisting my life away, as my uncle puts it, on the internet. :)

Sunday, June 7, 2009

“Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year.”

“Do you remember the things you were worrying about a year ago? How did they work out? Didn't you waste a lot of fruitless energy on account of most of them? Didn't most of them turn out all right after all?”

Dale Carnegie hit the nail on the head with that quote. Since Jess posted her year summary, I've been thinking about my last year. And how much has happened. How much I worried, only to have things turn out right. And what I've learned.

I graduated last may being so confident about college. I was going to go into Meredith, graduate in 4 years with a political science major, go to law school, work for 3 years, then join the FBI. I was stupid, and refused to listen to the one man who knows me and the school system combined better than anyone. My granddad. Dan had been in school....well, most of his life while he jointly raised a family, worked a job, and got his graduate and doctorate degrees. And then after he got his doctorate, he worked jobs that varied from teaching, being a head school superintendent for VA, and working for UVA among many things. Dan knows every aspect of the school system better than anyone I know. And he told me that I had no business living on campus my freshman year. I can remember sitting in the family room, in the exact seat I'm sitting in now, talking to him about college and what the next year would hold. And I remember him telling me that there were pressures in college I wouldn't even know how to handle. And if I lived 24/7 in an environment like that, I would succumb. Not only that, but my grades would not be top-notch. Unfortunately, like a stupid teenager not willing to admit I didn't know it all, I decided to live on campus.

That summer, I was busy in preparation for college. That july, though, something happened that, even though I didn't know it at the time, would send me on a downward spiral with my faith and my life. My granddad, Dan, was diagnosed with cancer. I knew he hadn't been well for the past year, but we all thought it was something else. But cancer....even that word evokes fear in me. And the pain I felt then and still feel now isn't even describable. That same month, I went up there and spent a week with them. I can remember looking at Barbara and Dan, knowing that I wanted that kind of a marriage. For Better or for Worse. In Sickness and in Health. They were always there for each other. Throughout the next few months, their love for each other was so evident. As the next few months passed, I would find myself questioning everything. I remember remarking to a girl at school that everytime we'd go to church or crusade, I'd feel like a pretender. How could a loving God allow the man that had meant the most to me as a mentor, besides my dad that is, to be taken away? It wasn't fair. I'm so glad now that I never let either of my grandparents know how hard this was for me, because it would have broken their hearts.

In august, we moved into the dorms. Let's just say Dan was right. I did lose sight of my Savior. Not that I was a horrible kid, let's not get that wrong. But I did rebel against my values. I went clubbing (once, but that was enough for me), went to a couple parties, dressed up and went partying for halloween, had my first smoke (cigar, and once again, that was enough for me), and went to some shows that I regret now. I never drunk alcohol at school (occasionally I'll have a glass of wine if I'm at my roommate's house or something (she's french)), but I was still straying from what I believed. My morals were loosening as well. I started questioning whether things I knew were wrong were actually wrong. And my grades did start to drop. Not horribly, but more than they needed to.

Around late October, Dan was starting to get worse. We didn't know how much longer he would be with us. So one weekend when I was home, and mom was up there, Dad and I decided that, per my suggestion, I needed to go up there for that day, too. I needed to tell my granddad goodbye. That was the last time I saw Dan alive. Even then, I could see how much he and barbara loved each other. Mom was there when Dan died on November 24th. I can remember getting the phone call, and just going outside to my private place on campus and crying. Dan's funeral wasn't until the 11th of december, one month before my 19th. There were several people who talked and stuff, but John Arvelo, my granddad's best friend and mentor, sticks out most in my mind. John's another one of those guys that I respect like Dan, so I'm so glad he's around.

It took until halfway through the spring semester for me to actually realize that I was an idiot and was rebelling. And things changed then. I'm now an English and History double major with an education licensure. Law school...may be in my future, may not be. It's up to God.

Friends: Oh, gosh. That's the thing that's probably changed the most in my life. I kinda dropped off the face of the planet from my highschool friends once I hit college. I made my college friends, thought I had made good choices, and was good with that. Until a situation in March and then again in May let me realize who my real friends are. There's a couple at Meredith still. But my real friends are those who have always been there for me. Jess, Lizzie, Sarah, now Kara, Julie...they've been there for me through all this. And I'm so glad to have them as my best friends. I love you guys uber much!

While on the subject of friends, I have to touch on family. My family is amazing. I was sitting in the family room at the farm over thanksgiving, and I realized that we're not cousins anymore. We are siblings. I trust every single one of my cousins and aunts and uncles with my life. Any problem I have, I'll go to them about. If I need college help, I'll ask Tyler. And I love our relationship. It's one that I know will continue forever. <3!!!

I'm living at home this next year and commuting. After having the freedom that I had, it's a little interesting and difficult to learn to submit again to the will of my parents. Today's lunch was a prime example of that, since I didn't want to eat anything that was fixed, and I had to since I'm living home now. But I'm relearning again.

In other news, I've got Lizzie, Sarah, and Kara's voice recital tonight. Then maybe going to swim on monday, just to say hey since I can't swim right now....because on wednesday, I go in for my second opinion on the torn meniscus in my knee. Yippee. And if I have to have surgery on that thing...well, swimming won't be an option then. Then on friday, Jess is coming over for the weekend while we go to the plethora of Kara, Lizzie, and Sarah's shows that weekend. :P And Sunday is Roberts birthday. (well, monday is, but I won't be there then.) Then the following tuesday, I head up to barbara's for a week to help her move into her new house. :) Busy week!!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Hate crimes

I remember when I was...probably 7 or so, maybe younger, my dad took me to downtown raleigh. Usually, trips to Downtown when I was little meant a learning experience. Because dad works for Durham County government, he would sometimes have to go to the courts in Wake County, and I'd occasionally go with him so I could see what a court case was like, and see how not to act when I got older. Several times, dad took me late at night to see candlelight vigils for people protesting the death penalty the night an execution took place. We'd ride to the capitol if there was a rally going on to see different types of people protesting. But the one experience that most sticks out in my head was when my dad took me to view a KKK rally. Even to this day, I can remember the utter hate I felt as soon as I approached the area. The chants of white supremacy. The white robes, the covered faces. The cross that was burning. The horror of this shocked me. Because I was a history lover, particularly of civil war, I knew what the Klan was. But I had no idea the Klan was as horrifying as it is. I can remember crying after we left, asking dad why someone could hate anyone so much? Why white supremacy mattered to so many people? Why he brought me to see this? And I remember his answer was so that I could be aware there are people like this in real life. History's not just history. It's still alive today. The Klan was originally started to protect the South against reconstruction. But quickly, it changed to being something horrible. I'm all for the confederacy. Heck, I think the South will rise again. But I hate how this image is so associated with the South. And I hate how people can still be racist today. I was looking through bumper stickers on facebook tonight while I had some extra time on my hands, and I came across one that was about the Klan and White supremacy. Yes, on facebook, not even 15 pages into the list. And yes, people had added the sticker. I guess, I don't understand why racism is so prevalent. Closet racism is one thing...but hate crimes? That's taking it to a whole new level. Just some thoughts before I hit the sack.

The random survey

Copied from both Anna and Abigail. :P

One. Have you ever been asked out? yes, I have. Lizzie and Brianna know whom I'm referring to.
Two. Where was your default picture taken? Do I have one on here? The one on facebook was at the fair 2 years ago.
Three. What is your middle name? Elizabeth
Four. Your current relationship status? single
Five. Does your crush like you back? I don't really have a crush. Who came up with that idea anyways?
Six. What is your current mood? Sleepy....and sore.
Seven. What color pants are you wearing? PJ', white, and pink
Eight. What color shirt are you wearing? cream.
Nine. What is your favorite thing to do? read.
Ten. If you could go back in time and change something, would you? No, everything happens for a reason. And changing things might alter the future.
Eleven. If you must be an animal for one day, what would you be? A dolphin.
Twelve. Ever had a near death experience? Yeah. I was deathly sick when I was 3.
thirteen. Something you do a lot? listen to music and talk.
Fourteen. What do you want to be when you get older? a Mom. And a teacher.
Fifteen. Who did you copy and paste this from? Anna and Abigail.
Sixteen. Name someone with the same birthday as you? To name one, Jamie. There's a list I have, though. I have a popular birthday.
Seventeen. When was the last time you cried? today...I pulled my knee out really bad.
Eighteen: What do you consider your theme song? "She's country"
Nineteen. If you could have one super power what would it be? be invisible.
Twenty. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite/same sex? Eyes.
Twenty-one. What do you usually order from Starbucks? Grande Peppermint White mocha. Anyone buys me one and they will be my friend for life!! :P
Twenty-two. What's your biggest secret? If I told you, it wouldn't be a secret...
Twenty-three. Favorite color? pink or purple
Twenty-five. Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows? YES!! I can't wait until I have kids so I can watch them with them.
Twenty-six. What are you eating or drinking at the moment? peach Izze
What's your favorite smell? Roses, rain, ocean, cologne...the list goes on.
Twenty-nine. Describe your life in one word, what would it be? Blessed.
What is your secret obsession: I'm OCD about my books...that's probably my number one.
Thirty-one. Have you ever kissed in the rain? No
Thirty-two. What are you thinking about right now? like anna, being kissed in the rain!:)
Thirty-three. What should you be doing right now? sleeping.
Thirty-four. Who was the last person that made you upset/angry? hmm...I'm gonna go with the guy at altell who was taking hours.
Thirty-five. Why are you doing this? Because I don't have time to type up an entry and I wanted to post something.
Thirty-six. Do you like working in the yard? Yeah, sometimes
Thirty-seven. If you could have any last name in the world, what would it be? Mine until I get married, then my husbands.
Thirty-eight. Do you act differently around the person you like? I'm going with anna's answer here, because it's true!! no, because I don't just like one person. I like everybody!
Thirty-nine. What is your natural hair color? Blonde, but it's turning brown.
Forty. What did you think about this survey? It's a survey....