Friday, February 29, 2008


This song is pretty much describing my life right now. For months and even years, I've acted like I've had it all together. I applied to one school (Meredith), and got accepted. I told everyone what I wanted to major in (English or Political Science). I said I was going to be either a teacher, lawyer, or FBI agent. But I just came to the realization recently that I don't have it all together. I don't have a clue what I want to major in or do. I don't know what my future holds.

To be honest, that scares me. I've always hated change with every fiber of my being. When I was little, I can remember crying when Dad had two of our trees cut down. I wasn't upset because these trees meant anything to me, but it meant that my yard would never be the same again. Even though change has always scared me, unknown change scares me more. I've wished so many times that I knew what my future had in store; that way, I wouldn't have to be afraid of certain things.

I'm terrified of losing the friends that have become so dear to me over my high school years. I've seen my parents, their friends, and even some of my friends drift away from the people they grew up with and were so close to. This is the last thing I ever want to happen.

I'm also really, really scared about college. I know I'll still be in town, and I've said it won't be so bad since a bunch of my friends are gonna be like 5 minutes away from me at State. But it's going to be a huge experience for me; unless Julie ends up going, I'm not going to know anyone attending. To go from a class of about 12 into a class of about 1,500 is definitely not going to be easy for me. Living in a dorm with half that class is going to be very difficult. Just spending one night there proved that to me.

And so I leave you with the lyrics to the song I posted:

"Superman" by Five for Fighting:

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me

I’m more than a bird...i’m more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It’s not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd...but don’t be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but won’t you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me

Up, up and away...away from me
It’s all can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy...or anything...

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
Inside of me
Inside me
Yeah, inside me
Inside of me

I’m only a man
In a funny red sheet
I’m only a man
Looking for a dream

I’m only a man
In a funny red sheet
And it’s not easy, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm...

Its not easy to be me


Lizzie said...

Wow, I really like that song.

Sophie said...

Change is hard, but I know that whatever comes your way, if you hold fast to God, will only make you more like Him. Looking back over my life I see how change has grown me and refined me. Even when I wasn't happy about it (or there wasn't anything to be happy about) it's worked about for the good long term. It's not easy, but then again, God never said the road would be easy. He just said he would never give us more than we can handle, and He would be with us through it all.

I'm praying for you.

Jessica said...

I'm really glad you've come out with this all, Allison. All my life I've felt like you've been the one who has it all together and I...well...don't. And if I've put any doubt in your head about your own stability by complaining about the lack of stability in me, then I am very sorry. The highschool-college-or-whatever-comes-our-way is indeed a very scary transition, but also something that we shouldn't worry about. God has not granted us a spirit of fear but of wisdom (to do the right thing) power (to go through the tough things) and a sound mind (to stand firm in the Lord). You don't know where everything might be leading, but at least you know that it is all in God's hands.

Anonymous said...

Gosh! I've felt the same way!!! I will definitely be praying for you, that the Lord will reveal to you His perfect plan for your life!
aka- Nora :D