Thursday, June 5, 2008

Taking the Initiative

So I know Jess is planning on blogging on this based off our 4 hour conversation last night, but I was feeling inspired as well as not being able to sleep. Thus, I decided to beat her to it. :P

One thing both of us have noticed lately is the sheer passiveness of the majority of our guy friends (note that I don't say all). Boundless published an article about a month ago about this phenomena. More and more, we've noticed how almost every guy is unwilling to take the initiative when it comes to us ladies...they are more eager just to sit there and wait for us to approach them. Now, I do have to say y'all men do have it tough; it takes guts to approach us and risk being turned down. But believe me, it's far better in the end. As Godly, Christian females, we do not want to have to be the pursuer. We would far rather be pursued by you. It's not good when we are in control all the time.

Let me share a personal example. I was bemoaning the fact that I didn't have a date for prom to one of my guy friends a few months ago. He said something to the effect of "Why don't you just ask a guy? We love it when y'all take the initiative!" This comment I found rather sad, since it just went to prove that too many guys are like this in our Christian society.

One thing this article shares is the scripture verse Proverbs 18:22: "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord." Note that FIND is a verb. You can't just sit there and passively expect that we will somehow find need to be actively seeking us out.

Now I'm not saying guys need to be the initiator in every single aspect of our lives. I don't mind starting conversations with guys, etc, but there are definitely somethings that guys should be doing. So guys, please step up and be the pursuer! Trust me, we don't bite. :P Jess, if there's anything you wanna elaborate on, please do. I know it's late and I probably missed a few things.


Lizzie said...

I just have to say that I completely agree. :P Not that I'm ready for any guy to initiate anything...... but anyway.

Allie said...

Not like I'm ready for it, either. I just think it's a good thing for guys to keep in mind.

Kor said...

K, I'm breaking out of my semi-anti-blogging state to reply to this. You've got to realize that there is a flip side to this also. Girls sometimes don't want to talk.

You think you have it hard when guys don't come up to you and talk, try going up to a girl and getting completely blown off... Now that is always fun.

Maybe if girls valued guys not a potential boyfriends but just a people they know, and treated them all the same, no favoritism to the amazingly handsome dashing prince charming type guy from room b11. Then guys would be willing to get to know girls and commit, instead of being shoved aside when someone with better looks comes.

Maybe guys are tired of their emotions being toyed with and are willing to wait now until they really know a girl...

My 2cents

Kor said...

Blah sorry bout the obvious spelling/grammar mistakes in there didn't read over it that well

Allie said...

I see what you're saying, Kor. But you're implying that all girls are superficial enough to only care about the latest, cutest guys out there and put every other guy on the back burner. While there are certainly a lot of girls that do this, there are also a lot of us that don't.

And I have no doubt that y'all do have it hard. I wouldn't want to be in your shoes...but don't forget, you win us in the end, so it's kind of worth it.

Jessica said...

I, for one, don't see every guy who comes along as a potential boyfriend. I see them all as brothers, really. I just have fun being with them. But when it comes time to start looking for a mate, I am not going to be the initiator. That is the guy's job. And I value a guy who does that.

A fear of a girl blowing you off for somebody better looking is unrealistic and therefore a very stupid excuse not to do the initiating. Sorry, Kor, it's true. And girls have their emotions toyed with by guys just as much as guys are with girls.

Well, you can't really know a girl unless you first get to know her. Obvious, huh? I feel out of place going up and introducing myself to a guy though. I guess guys do, too. Plus it really feels superficial--I mean, why would you go randomly introduce yourself to someone unless you thought they were outwardly attractive...for example, the swishy hair guy.

Again, I guess this only applies to me, but I would never shove aside one guy when someone more attractive comes along. Friendships are important to me, whether I like the guy or not. But when it comes to "going out" (you know, being in mangos and trouting), the guy should initiate, even if both parties are very, very good friends. Man is the head, the leader...thus the initiator.

All that ranting is kind of badly organized, but I guess you get what I'm trying to say...