Thursday, April 24, 2008

My life at current

So right now I'm kind of at a rocky point in my life. Schoolwise, I've found that I'm not motivated at all. I'm turning in my work, but I've been procrastinating until the last minute possible and it's certainly not it's normal stellar quality. At least there's only about 2 more weeks of school left.

Spiritually, I've been struggling a bit as well. There's so much going on right now, that I've found I've put God on the back burner. This, obviously, is a bad thing. It's been affecting just about every area of my life. Thankfully, I've realized what I've been doing, and I'm trying to correct it.

Physically and mentally I'm also struggling a ton right now. Remember the incident with my neighbors dogs? Well, ever since then I've had chronic, intense headaches. I couldn't figure out what was wrong. Mom finally dragged me to the chiropractor last Monday. Apparently, my neck was out from the dog incident...or so they thought at the time. He adjusted it, but the headaches were still really, really bad. So I went back in on Thursday. Once again, the neck was out. Well, this time the headaches got better, but I started having the worst pain I thought possible in my neck. I couldn't sit anywhere for more than 5 minutes.

We went back in yesterday (tuesday), and he decided he wanted to do x-rays. So I traipsed back into the office this morning (I need to simply move in there). He took a look at me again and decided he wanted to go ahead and do full spinal x-rays. Unfortunately, that meant I had to be exposed to the radiation from 11 different takes....ugh. He wanted to look them over, so I returned this afternoon for the fifth time in about a week. What they discovered wasn't pretty.

Apparently I have 2 deformities in my vertebrae/spine. The first is at my neck, top vertebra (C-1 in case you are interested) and I was born with it. Why it wasn't discovered until now, I don't know. The second is in my lower back, last vertebra and probably was caused by a fall or something when I was a toddler. It's kinda hard to describe them, but the one in my neck is basically separated into two pieces, leaving a hole that reaches my spinal cord. My back is similar, but it was broken as a child, so it's not as separated as the neck one. They are both phase 3 of 4, though. I now have to be a little careful about what I do since if either of these gets hit wrong, it'll go into my spinal cord, which is clearly a bad thing. Contact sports may or may not have to be eliminated entirely. The one in my neck is also what's been causing my headaches, and apparently they are going to continue because people with this deformity have headaches a lot.

This isn't something that can be corrected, but they are going to try and prevent it from getting worse. This means that for the next three weeks, I'm going to have appointments 3 times a week, then for the following 3 weeks, I'll have them at least once a week, and then I'll have them monthly. The pain is going to get worse before it gets better, and that's probably what I'm looking forward to the least. And of course, knowing that I could end up paralyzed if anything ever happened isn't exactly a comforting thought, either. I would really, really appreciate your prayers through all this.

Now that all the depressing stuff is taken care of, I graduate in 16 days!! Ah, this is a a scary thought, and yet at the same time really really exciting!! And then we have senior/junior dinner next Friday and then prom on Saturday. I'm really excited about these things. Oh, Jess, you have amazing music tastes...I am addicted to Crossfade now. I'm listening to one of their songs online right now. ;)


Sophie said...

Oh no! That's no fun. I'm certainly praying for you through all of this.

Euphreana said...

I can definitely empathize with you. I finlly got through a bad bout of depression a short time ago - first being diagnosed with a genetic crippling disease, then my vision going from bad to worse [making driving difficult], a sudden death in the family, getting behind in school, and other things - I was really angry at God.
It's always the easiest to give up when the going gets bad, but hey, giving up is for wimps. God never gives us more than we can handle. While it's never fun being in the fire, God is always there. He's always there to give you a hug or sing you to sleep at night, and he'll never let you down.

I'll be praying for you too that you'll come out of this thing stronger than ever. :)
(and enjoy the upcoming sunshine!)

Allie said...

Euphreana, thank you so much for that. You have no idea how much I needed to hear that. It's encouraging to me to know that I'm not alone through all this. I'll be praying for you, too. I love you, and hopefully we'll see each other soon...are you gonna be at the homeschool convention?