Less is more-Relient K

Jesus, I pray
Take all my mistakes
Throw them away
Destroy them for my sake

Jesus, I call out 'cause I'm sorry
Because I fall so short of your glory
To the best of my ability
I'm practicing humility
And I lay myself before
'Cause less is more

All that I have
I lay before
With my pride on the floor
Cause to you less is more
All that I have
I lay before
With my pride on the floor
Cause to you less is more

I pour out myself
All that I am
You love me so much
That you fill me again
And may these words on my heart, on my lips
Somehow mean so much more than this

Jesus, I pray
Know what I'm trying to say

All that I have
I lay before
With my pride on the floor
'Cause to you less is more
All that I have
I lay before
With my pride on the floor
Cause to you less is more

I pour out myself, before you were Lord
I hold nothing back, 'cause to you less is more
And may these words on my heart on my lips,
Somehow mean so much more than this

Jesus, I pray
Just know what I'm tryin' to say

Jesus, I plead
Please purify me
Make my heart clean
Drench me with your mercy
Jesus, I pray
I love you, I need you
For the rest of my days
I swear I will seek you
To the best of my ability
I'm practicing humility
And I lay myself before
'Cause less is more.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lULwqXhYNJE

My life at current

So right now I'm kind of at a rocky point in my life. Schoolwise, I've found that I'm not motivated at all. I'm turning in my work, but I've been procrastinating until the last minute possible and it's certainly not it's normal stellar quality. At least there's only about 2 more weeks of school left.

Spiritually, I've been struggling a bit as well. There's so much going on right now, that I've found I've put God on the back burner. This, obviously, is a bad thing. It's been affecting just about every area of my life. Thankfully, I've realized what I've been doing, and I'm trying to correct it.

Physically and mentally I'm also struggling a ton right now. Remember the incident with my neighbors dogs? Well, ever since then I've had chronic, intense headaches. I couldn't figure out what was wrong. Mom finally dragged me to the chiropractor last Monday. Apparently, my neck was out from the dog incident...or so they thought at the time. He adjusted it, but the headaches were still really, really bad. So I went back in on Thursday. Once again, the neck was out. Well, this time the headaches got better, but I started having the worst pain I thought possible in my neck. I couldn't sit anywhere for more than 5 minutes.

We went back in yesterday (tuesday), and he decided he wanted to do x-rays. So I traipsed back into the office this morning (I need to simply move in there). He took a look at me again and decided he wanted to go ahead and do full spinal x-rays. Unfortunately, that meant I had to be exposed to the radiation from 11 different takes....ugh. He wanted to look them over, so I returned this afternoon for the fifth time in about a week. What they discovered wasn't pretty.

Apparently I have 2 deformities in my vertebrae/spine. The first is at my neck, top vertebra (C-1 in case you are interested) and I was born with it. Why it wasn't discovered until now, I don't know. The second is in my lower back, last vertebra and probably was caused by a fall or something when I was a toddler. It's kinda hard to describe them, but the one in my neck is basically separated into two pieces, leaving a hole that reaches my spinal cord. My back is similar, but it was broken as a child, so it's not as separated as the neck one. They are both phase 3 of 4, though. I now have to be a little careful about what I do since if either of these gets hit wrong, it'll go into my spinal cord, which is clearly a bad thing. Contact sports may or may not have to be eliminated entirely. The one in my neck is also what's been causing my headaches, and apparently they are going to continue because people with this deformity have headaches a lot.

This isn't something that can be corrected, but they are going to try and prevent it from getting worse. This means that for the next three weeks, I'm going to have appointments 3 times a week, then for the following 3 weeks, I'll have them at least once a week, and then I'll have them monthly. The pain is going to get worse before it gets better, and that's probably what I'm looking forward to the least. And of course, knowing that I could end up paralyzed if anything ever happened isn't exactly a comforting thought, either. I would really, really appreciate your prayers through all this.

Now that all the depressing stuff is taken care of, I graduate in 16 days!! Ah, this is a a scary thought, and yet at the same time really really exciting!! And then we have senior/junior dinner next Friday and then prom on Saturday. I'm really excited about these things. Oh, Jess, you have amazing music tastes...I am addicted to Crossfade now. I'm listening to one of their songs online right now. ;)

Frustrated

I feel like ranting tonight, so bear with me.

First off, why are people so quick to criticize the government when things go wrong? Now I know it isn't perfect. I've been known to complain about a few things myself (such as the lack of states rights). But think about it. What other country in the world has a better government that ours? The only one that comes to my mind is Ireland, but even there you have a divided country half ruled by Great Britain. Of course, there's always the "start our own colony" idea that's been proposed. However, this would be rather impossible, as awesome as it sounds.

Another thing on this note that's really been bothering me is the conspiracy theories surrounding 9/11. (Well, actually most conspiracy theories bother me, but I don't have time to talk about all of them) Apparently there's an organization called "9/11 Truth Movement" that is dedicated to proving that the accounts of 9/11 were falsified. To explain all the theories would take a while, but basically they believe that the World Trade Center was intentionally demolished up by the US government and that the plane that crashed into the Pentagon was actually a missile fired by the US.

To begin with, a lot of this is ridiculous. What purpose would the Government have for causing national panic and blowing up three of their own buildings? If this were true, it means that everything several of my friends, family members, and all our nation's soldiers have been fighting for the last 7 years over nothing. Yes, it united our Nation in many ways. But no one except a terrorist would have murdered tons of innocent people. And if you're calling our government terrorists...well, then we have a problem.

On a totally different note, one of my favorite scenes out of one of my favorite movies: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_xdA-TcKEg&NR=1

If Thou Hadst Known!

I was doing my devotions a few moments ago (I prefer to do them at night when everything is quiet) and the one for today from "My Utmost for His Highest" really touched a nerve. So I thought I'd post it on here:

"If thou hadst known . . . in this thy day, the things which belong unto thy peace! but now they are hid from thine eyes." Luke 19:42
Jesus entered Jerusalem triumphantly and the city was stirred to its very foundations, but a strange god was there-the pride of the Pharisees. It was a god that seemed religious and upright, but Jesus compared it to "whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness" ( Matthew 23:27 ).

What is it that blinds you to the peace of God "in this your day"? Do you have a strange god-not a disgusting monster but perhaps an unholy nature that controls your life? More than once God has brought me face to face with a strange god in my life, and I knew that I should have given it up, but I didn’t do it. I got through the crisis "by the skin of my teeth," only to find myself still under the control of that strange god. I am blind to the very things that make for my own peace. It is a shocking thing that we can be in the exact place where the Spirit of God should be having His completely unhindered way with us, and yet we only make matters worse, increasing our blame in God’s eyes.

"If you had known . . . ." God’s words here cut directly to the heart, with the tears of Jesus behind them. These words imply responsibility for our own faults. God holds us accountable for what we refuse to see or are unable to see because of our sin. And "now they are hidden from your eyes" because you have never completely yielded your nature to Him. Oh, the deep, unending sadness for what might have been! God never again opens the doors that have been closed. He opens other doors, but He reminds us that there are doors which we have shut-doors which had no need to be shut. Never be afraid when God brings back your past. Let your memory have its way with you. It is a minister of God bringing its rebuke and sorrow to you. God will turn what might have been into a wonderful lesson of growth for the future.

Why cats are far superior to dogs

Until recently, I thought that dogs were the best thing ever. I have one, all my cousins have dogs, a lot of my friends have them, and I thought you couldn't go wrong. In fact, I thought they were easier than cats. How wrong I was. My neighbors cat has adopted our house, and I absolutely adore that cat. She's so sweet and cuddly, and isn't so interested in chasing after all the squirrels in the yard. My dog hates her, but he'll live. What happened this morning helped me realize how much I truly loathe dogs.

I woke up at 6:50 to go feed my neighbors two dogs. One of them is a Miniature Schnauzer, named Minnie (who would have guessed?). The other, Murphy, is a huge mutt who has some lab and I think some greyhound in him. My plan was to run over there, feed them, come back, and go back to sleep since I didn't get to bed until 2 last night. How easily plans change. I got them fed alright. The problem occurred when I went to take Minnie from the garage to the fence. The split second I had the fence open enough to let her IN, a certain gigantic mutt shoved his way OUT. Thus began the frantic chase to catch him and get him back in.

Murphy has only escaped three times in the entire four years I've lived here. Once my other neighbor helped catch him, and the other time my ex-neighbor broke her collarbone trying to catch him. Both of those instances were running through my mind as I frenetically tried to follow him, psychotically screaming the whole time. I honestly don't know if I've ever run that fast before. You see, the dog decided he wanted to go down past Austin's house, which is probably a half mile away. After he did that, he ran into a neighbor's back yard and onto a deck, where I caught him. Nothing like going up on some strangers deck at 7 in the morning.

Did I mention Murphy is also really strong? Yeah. Catching him lasted about 30 seconds, until he got out of his collar. So now I had a collarless dog running around. About that time, he started heading home, but got a little confused. So he ran maybe another half mile down the wrong street. He finally turned around, headed back down that half mile, and started going home. About 4 houses before my culdesac, my wonderful neighbor, Tommy, was there. Tommy's the neighbor who helped catch Murphy before. Tommy helped me run him back into the culdesac, where another neighbor, Ms. Cindy, got him back into the fence.

Like I said, cat's are so much simpler than dogs. You don't have to run after them for 2 miles wondering if you're ever going to catch them and freaking out about what will happen if they get hit before you do. I still love my dog, but as a whole, cat's are far superior to dogs.