yet another twist

Man, life is full of twists and turns. We found out this past week that my cousin's grandmother also has cancer...thankfully, it's not an extremely aggressive cancer, and it will respond to treatment. But this does still freak me out a lot...my cousin's grandparents are a lot like mine, and so it affects me more that it normally would.

One of my cousins got married this past Saturday. That was soooo much fun!!!!! Her husband is so awesome, and they are sooo cute together. They met on a blind date in college, and that turned into another date, and they ended up getting married. :) Now I can't wait till the next family wedding...Katherine's is next, but since she's getting married in Cincinnati, I don't think any of us are going. But apparently we're having a party for her in VA. So besides her, it'll probably be Harrison's. Have I mentioned how cute his gf is and how much in love those two are??

I ended up working a show this past friday that I had never even seen a script for, much less the show...that was incredibly fun!! I've worked a lot with this company stage managing and such, but due to the stress involved and my school work, I'd had to leave the company, but I still go to the shows. I watched the first act, and then begged my former ASM who's now my SM (weird) to let me backstage. Alex was definitely happy to have extra help. ;) And believe it or not, I actually was able to figure out what I was doing! I guess I've spent enough time backstage to pick things up.

Life

Pippin: I didn't think it would end this way.
Gandalf: End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path... One that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass... And then you see it.
Pippin: What? Gandalf?... See what?
Gandalf: White shores... and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise.
Pippin: [smiling] Well, that isn't so bad.
Gandalf: [softly] No... No it isn't.

By now some of you know what's been going in my life lately. About 3 weeks ago, we found out that my semi-grandfather (he's like my mom's other dad) was diagnosed with cancer. A few days ago, we discovered it was incurable and untreatable. This has been incredibly hard for me...cancer is my worst fear, and to find out that another person so close to me has it...well, let's just say this month has been tough. I'm trying to rely on God and trust His plan, but sometimes that's hard to do, especially when everything feels so wrong. I keep thinking about all the bratty things I've said to Dan in the past, and I wish I could take every last one of them back...but I can't. The one thing I can thank God for right now is that Dan is one of the strongest Christians I know; I've always gone to him for advice and stuff, and it's my main comfort right now that no matter what happens here, I will be seeing him again.

Music

What is it with music nowadays? The other day, I had G105 on while cleaning my room. In a span of 30 minutes, I heard some of the worst songs I have heard in a while. I'm not gonna say that I am perfectly clean when it comes to my language, but there is enough good music out there where profanity isn't necessary. As Christians, we should stand out from the world. I'm the first to say that I don't believe we have to listen to only Christian music. But like they say, garbage in, garbage out. I don't believe it's being a good witness to the world if we are driving down the road blaring T-Pain or Usher or something out our windows.

There's no style to music, either. There's a verse and/or two, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge, and then chorus. I'm SICK of predictability when it comes to the music I am listening to. If people used to be able to write creative music, how come no one does anymore? I've gotten to where I don't even want to turn on the radio anymore because I know the music is going to be the same. I heard the new Gavin Degraw song 8 times in the same day...that's just pitiful.

I was talking to a coworker my dad's the other day, who is a total GnR, AC/DC fan. We were both complaining about how none of the pure old rock is ever played on the radio. All you here is "Stairway to Heaven" and songs like that...and to be honest, I'm starting to hate those songs now. We need a music revival of the good stuff.

Ocean Breeze

So this poem (written while sitting here at work a month ago or so) started out differently than it ended up. Halfway through writing it, something happened that changed my mood from a happy mood to a sad, reflective one. The title so doesn't fit the way it ended up, but oh well.

The wind is gently caressing her hair
As she slowly ambles along the way
Acting as if she had not a care
And as though today were the calmest day.

She feels the sand squish between her toes
As a cool misty spray covers her face
It is at that moment that she knows
The moon above has turned to lace.

A young woman on a midnight stroll
Is the observation of many there
But as she watches the mighty seas roll,
It is clearly a meaningful affair

The ocean reminds her of days past
And memories that could not last

Taking the Initiative

So I know Jess is planning on blogging on this based off our 4 hour conversation last night, but I was feeling inspired as well as not being able to sleep. Thus, I decided to beat her to it. :P

One thing both of us have noticed lately is the sheer passiveness of the majority of our guy friends (note that I don't say all). Boundless published an article about a month ago about this phenomena. http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001750.cfm More and more, we've noticed how almost every guy is unwilling to take the initiative when it comes to us ladies...they are more eager just to sit there and wait for us to approach them. Now, I do have to say y'all men do have it tough; it takes guts to approach us and risk being turned down. But believe me, it's far better in the end. As Godly, Christian females, we do not want to have to be the pursuer. We would far rather be pursued by you. It's not good when we are in control all the time.

Let me share a personal example. I was bemoaning the fact that I didn't have a date for prom to one of my guy friends a few months ago. He said something to the effect of "Why don't you just ask a guy? We love it when y'all take the initiative!" This comment I found rather sad, since it just went to prove that too many guys are like this in our Christian society.

One thing this article shares is the scripture verse Proverbs 18:22: "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord." Note that FIND is a verb. You can't just sit there and passively expect that we will somehow find you...you need to be actively seeking us out.

Now I'm not saying guys need to be the initiator in every single aspect of our lives. I don't mind starting conversations with guys, etc, but there are definitely somethings that guys should be doing. So guys, please step up and be the pursuer! Trust me, we don't bite. :P Jess, if there's anything you wanna elaborate on, please do. I know it's late and I probably missed a few things.

I Will Survive-Cake version

Ok, so I'm gonna post more later, but I wanted to post my new favorite song on here. Cake did a cover version of I Will Survive, and it's REALLY good!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10C68Gzd5GM

At first I was afraid
I was petrified
I kept thinking
I could never live without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights
Just thinking how you'd done me wrong
And I grew strong
I learned how to get along
So now you're back
From outer space
I just walked in to find you here
Without the look upon your face
I should have changed my f-ing lock
I would have made you leave your key
If I'd have known for just one second
You'd be back to bother me

Oh now go,
Walk out the door
Just turn around now
You're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to break me with desire
Did you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
As long as I know how to love I know I'll be alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
I will survive
I will survive
Yeah, yeah

It took all the strength I had
Just not to fall apart
I'm trying hard to mend the pieces
Of my broken heart
And I spent oh so many nights
Just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high
And you see me
With somebody new
I'm not that stupid little person still in love with you
And so you thought you'd just drop by
And you expect me to be free
But now I'm saving all my loving
For someone who's loving me

Oh now go,
Walk out the door
Just turn around now
You're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to break me with desire
Did you think I'd crumble
Did you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
As long as I know how to love I know I'll be alive
I've got all my live to live
I've got all my love to give
I will survive
I will survive
Yeah, yeah

Another Survey

Yeah, I have too much time on my hands now that school's over. :)

> Put an X by all the things you've done and send it to all of your
> friends. Make sure you send it back to the person who sent it to you!!
>
> () smoked a cigarette
> () crashed a friend's car
> () stolen a car
> (x) been in love
> ()been dumped
> () shoplifted
> () been fired
> (x) been in a fist fight
> (x) snuck out of your parent's house
> (x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
> () been arrested
> () gone on a blind date
> (x) lied to a friend
> (x) skipped school
> (x) seen someone die
> (x (long story...) had a crush on one of your internet friends
> (x) been to Canada
> () been to Mexico
> (x) been on a plane
> () purposely set a part of yourself on fire
> () eaten Sushi
> (x) been skiing
> (x) met someone in person that you met on the internet
> (x) been moshing at a concert
> (x) taken painkillers
> (x) love someone or miss someone right now
> (x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
> (x) made a snow angel
> (x) had a tea party
> (x) flown a kite
> (x) built a sand castle
> (x) gone puddle jumping
> (x) played dress up
> (x) jumped into a pile of leaves
> (x) gone sledding
> (x) cheated while playing a game
> (x) been lonely
> (x) fallen asleep at work/school
> () used a fake id
> (x) watched the sun set
> () felt an earthquake
> (x) touched a snake
> () slept beneath the stars
> (x) been tickled
> () been robbed
> (x) been misunderstood
> (x) petted a reindeer/goat
> (x) won a contest
> () run a red light
> () been suspended from school
> (x) been in a car
> (x) had braces
> () eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
> (x) had deja vu
> (x) danced in the moonlight
> (x) liked the way you look
> () witnessed a crime
> (x) questioned your heart
> (x) been obsessed with post-it notes
> (x) squished barefoot through the mud
> (x) been lost
> () been to the opposite side of the country
> (x) swam in the ocean
> (x) felt like dying
> (x) cried yourself to sleep
> (x) played cops and robbers
> (x) recently colored with crayons
> (x) sung karaoke
> () paid for a meal with only coins
> (x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
> (x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
> (x) caught a snowflake on your tongue
> (x) danced in the rain
> (x) written a letter to Santa Claus
> () been kissed under a mistletoe
> () watched the sun rise with someone you care about
> (x) blown bubbles
> () made a bonfire on the beach
> () crashed a party
> (x) gone rollerskating
> (x) had a wish come true
> (x) worn pearls
> () jumped off a bridge
> () ate dog/cat food
> () told a complete stranger you loved them (for the fun of it)
> (x) sang in the shower
> (x) had a dream that you married someone
> () glued your hand to something
> () got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
> () kissed a fish
> (x) sat on a roof top
> (x) screamed at the top of your lungs
> (x) done a one-handed cartwheel
> () talked on the phone for more than 5 hours
> (x) stayed up all night
> () didn't take a shower for a week.
> (x) pick and ate an apple right off the tree
> (x) climbed a tree
> (x) had a tree house
> (x) own more then 15 pairs of shoes
> () worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
> () gone streaking
> (x) are scared to watch scary movies alone
> () believe in ghosts
> (x) have done doorbell ditching
> () played chicken
> (x) broken a bone
> (x) been easily amused
> () caught a fish then ate it
> (x) caught a butterfly (MANY, MANY times.)
> (x) laughed so hard you cried
> (x) cried so hard you laughed
> (x) cheated on a test
> () have a Britney Spears CD
> (x) forgotten someone's name
> () French braided someone's hair
> () gone skinny dippin in a pool
> (x) been threatened to be kicked out of your house
> () been kicked out your house
> PLEASE!!!!!! send this to all your friend especially the person that
> sent it to you. And be honest cause it's more fun that way.